Where I Am and What Will Be

Hiya!!

Life is wild and unpredictable

and ugly

and cruel

but also amazing

and beautiful.

Life for me recently has been a wonderfully sad mess.

Full of loss and grief,

but love and positive gain.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

This last month I was able to get a virtual appointment with my doctor in Boston.

And

Unfortunately,

The tumor is still there

and still growing.

It's like the ripe size of a strawberry now.

And it's not a good thing.

It's pushing on my brain stem and messing stuff up,

which is not good.

Ew.

So,

I was given a plan.

and

The airport analogy I gave in a previous post is no longer!

I now have a destination.

However, it's not so easy peasy

Surgery won't able to happen until summer.

Covid has made surgery at MGH very difficult.

So until surgery, I am to restart chemo.

Which,

I have been off since November.

And I will go back to Boston in April,

to meet more doctors,

to meet more surgeons,

and finally, hopefully, get a date for surgery

but ya,

It's been a rough time since the virtual appointment.

I am full of anxiety these days.

Knowing how big the tumor is,

Knowing the potential damage that can happen by going on a high dosage of chemo,

It's all so emotionally painful and draining.

Since my last post,

I have lost most of my hearing.

and now my kidneys are at risk.

As I said,

it's been rough.

But,

I am okay!

I will get through this!

All I can do I pray and prepare my mind and body for surgery.

Right now, things are hard.

And after surgery, things will get even harder.

But I know I am strong.

And I can do this.

Because every time it feels like it is all becoming too much,

I am reminded by someone who loves me

that no matter what happens during surgery,

everything will be fine.

This is not the end.

Just a new beginning!

.